Since my last blog, I'm back to my "dandy" self. I haven't had any discussions with him. I managed to put it aside and try not to think about it. He knew something was bothering me the day of my discovery and rant, but didn't inquire more into it after that. Who cares, right?
I question whether I want to tie the knot this year or not. Are we both ready? Some of us don't act like it sometimes... Right now, I'm not bound to some extent. I must admit, JC is the only one who's holding me back. Without JC, I would be able to just take off whenever.
There are days where I'm in a better mood, and those are the times where I would plan our wedding day. On the other days, when I'm supposedly having "mood swings", I rather have my options.
The deciding factor is my trust. Can I trust you to be honest? Can I trust you to unconditionally love me? Can I trust you to make me happy for the most part? I am skeptical.
I'm sure having all these issues piling up isn't helping much. I do want to talk about it, but never find the opportunity to. Days when I'm in a good mood, I don't want to talk about something that would ruin my day. When I'm already in a bad mood, I don't want to talk about something that would make it worse. Plus, we don't have the time. He's either working, spending time with JC, or having some Me-time. I would watching JC when he's busy or doing hw when he's watching JC. See the dilemma?
We should make time...I know. On the other hand, I think I care more about this than he does. Well I have until mid-June to make my final decision. We have until then to possibly resolve our issues, or MY issues.
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