I realized that life is too short to keep how you feel about someone inside. I think I express my feelings more freely than before, to friends, family, and love ones.
One of my pet peeves is worrying about people who don't care that you're worried.
I guess I am definitely a mother because most moms have that issue. I know my mom did. When I was younger, I made her worry often and I continue to do what I wanted to do.
Maybe I need to just back off and chillax. I don't want to care or worry anymore, if you don't.
I just watched Brave tonite, and I loved it! Disney should make more movies like Brave. Usually when you think of a princess movie, you expect there to be a prince charming that comes to the rescue and they fall madly in unrealistic love. Well Brave was the complete opposite. She was the heroine, strong and independent, and there was none of that falling in love bullshit.
The movie made me realize how I'm so dependent on others for my happiness and love. I call it being emotionally high maintenance. All those past guys who lavished me in attention and feelings reinforced my need for those, to the point where I have accepted the fact that I am high maintenance. I am drawn to those who give me
those attention/feelings that I am lacking, and I find it ridiculous of
me. I have "withdrawals" when I don't get all that attention and love, and I
become more insecure and unhappy. I shouldn't need those validations to be happy or to feel loved. I don't want to be that girl anymore, especially being in this relationship now. I want to be happy.
A friend told me I need to love myself first and be happy being alone. Well loving myself is going to be a long working process, and I am in a relationship so I can't be alone. I think I can at least come to accept myself and make my own happiness, no matter who I'm with.
It's human nature to have the need to be accepted, supported, and loved by others. The priority should be to self first.
Therefore, I shall love myself and I shall love others. It's the key to my happiness.
This month is our anniversary of 5 years since we first met at Denny's for cheesecake one late night, and it's our first anniversary of our marriage. I can't believe we have been together for half a decade! Although, we have only been married a year it seems longer because nothing really changed except my name.
Here's to another year of more changes for the better.
"2 years ago today I got to marry my best friend :) what a wonderful 2 years it has been and man have they flown! (Insert husband's name), I love you more today then I did that day ♥ thank you for making me
fall in love with you every day :) happy anniversary my love! here's to
many more :) "
I took this from a friend's facebook status. I see quite a few of these with similar magnitude of affection. When I read this, I realized I can't even say this to him, and about our relationship. I wish I felt as much love as she does about her husband, but I just don't. It's quite sad how my feelings have changed over time from all the things we have gone through. I guess the only good thing I can say is that our relationship haven't gotten worse, nor better. It's kind of existing, day by day, with some minor ups and downs. Maybe one day, a flood of feelings will come back to me and we will be happy again. Maybe this is why I am still here, holding on.
