Letters to Brain & Heart

Dear Heart,

I am concern about your reckless actions. I can't trust you. Are you certain of your feelings? I don't know if I can trust how you feel anymore. Whatever you think you are feeling is jeopardizing all of us. Would you be able to sacrifice yourself? I need you to break...

Sincerely,
Brain

Dear Brain,

I love...and I acted on love. I can't stop these feelings. I don't want to risk hurting anyone, so I will try to end it. It will be difficult. For us, I will endure the break and the gruesome pain associated with every piece. I hope you lead us to happiness, one day.

Love,
Heart

Only Because I Love You

You only love me because I love you.

Would you love me if I didn't love you?

Would you care for me if I didn't care for you?

Would you be there for me if I wasn't there for you?

If I didn't, I don't think you would have.

You only love because I love you. 

I am Emo

I am drawn back to blogging and writing in my private journal whenever I am emotional.

All I want to do is vent about my life, and I realized I can't bother people with it. If only I could afford to pay someone to sit and listen to it all, I would. No one really wants to hear every little issue I have, because they may have greater issues of their own or they have better things to do.

You would think in marriage you would always have a confidant, but that is not always the case. I don't trust him enough. I am not comfortable to do so. I doubt he even cares to listen. Sometimes he's the problem, and even then he doesn't care to talk about it. He already thinks I complain too much already. More reason to not "complain" about my life to him.

I sound like a drama queen in my blogs, but I'm really not. I keep a lot of things to myself, and pretend to people that my life is dandy, which isn't always a good thing to do either. Would you rather I pretend everything is okay or complain about every issue I have?

Once I get out of this emo state I will be back to thinking more positively about life. Until then I will "whine"...

Any Reason to Cry

Sometimes when I have so much stress, frustration, and emotions bottled up inside for a while, anything can trigger those tears.

Today, a lame movie did it. It was something I would not shed a single tear for if it was some other day. I was sitting there crying my eyes out, not knowing why exactly this movie was making me cry. I realized it wasn't about the movie...it was me.

I forced myself to stop crying because I felt ridiculous. Now I feel like I have a big knot in my throat because I don't think I'm done crying.

I hate crying over my stress, frustration, and issues. It just makes me feel self centered and vain. There's more to life than me, so I shouldn't be crying over my life.

Give me any reason other than my own to cry about...

Can't Close Your Heart

January 26, I said it....

Now I feel even more guilty but what can I do...

So What?

I am lazy when I want to be.
I fall asleep when the movies bore me.
I get cranky when I'm hungry.
I forget when I'm thirsty.
So what?

I complain when things are not perfect.
I get bossy when I want it my way.
I argue when I disagree.
I am stubborn when I want to be right.
So what?

I yell when I don't get my point across.
I bitch when I am frustrated.
I slam things when I'm angry.
I punch walls when I can't take it anymore.
So what?

I avoid when I'm not in the mood.
I shut down when I'm sad.
I hide when I cry.
I pretend to be happy when I feel hopeless.
So what?

Wide Awake

"Falling from cloud 9 (it was out of the blue)
I'm crashing from the high
I'm letting go tonight (yeah, I'm letting you go)
I'm falling from cloud 9
I'm wide awake
Thunder rumbling
Castles crumbling
I'm wide awake
I am trying to hold on
I'm wide awake
God knows that I tried
Seeing the bright side
I'm wide awake
But I'm not blind anymore...
I'm wide awake" 

-Katy Perry