Another Came and Gone

Last Friday I said good bye to another guy after dating him for about 2 months. Communication wasn't the way I want it to be and I needed it to be better than what I had before. I rather leave it than work on changing it. It doesn't mean I am going to run from every prob I have with a guy though. 

I miss talking and hanging out with him. Maybe I just miss the idea of spending time with someone I like. 

I miss his dog too. She was sweet. 

I am ready to move on again. There are days where I feel like it's hopeless but I need to be more patient. 

Fingers crossed. 

Direction

I am heading in the right direction.

Another week and a half, and I will be moving.
I am letting him go and getting over him.
I am breaking my ties...

I'm figuring out my new life. It seems like there's a lot I need to do, but I am getting it done.

I am proud of myself for having the courage to do this.
I am doing it for myself, and indirectly it will be good for everyone else. 

I am already looking forward to my new positive direction in life.

The Giving Tree

If all you wanted was love
Why would you use me up
Cut me down, build a boat, and sail away
When all I wanted to be was your giving tree
Settle down, build a home, and make you happy?

Losing Love

I wish we had a fight. I wish I was angry at you. I wish I hate you, so that losing you wouldn't be so hard. In my past long term relationships, they were always bad falling outs. It made moving on easier. Now I know how it feels to simply lose love...just like that.

Am I suppose to let all of these feelings go? How? 

*sighs*

Time to Toughen Up

I know what I need to do, and I am going to do it.

Life has a way of working things out. Yes, my pregnancy wasn't planned, but I gave birth to the love of my life. I had to postpone completing my education, but I finished it eventually and I started my career. My marriage failed, but I found love again. Although this love has been complicated, I don't know what will happen to it yet. Life never goes as planned or on my schedule. As long as I have my goals in mind, I will achieve them sooner or later.

I want to be married to someone I love and who loves me in return. I want to have at least one more child. I want to own a home and raise my family. I want to continue to be passionate about my job. I want to remain close to all sides of my family. I want my happily ever after.

I know what I need to do to get there.

In Pieces

I want to smash my heart into little pieces as my life breaks into pieces. Maybe then, it would stop hurting. I don't want to feel anymore.

It's hard to pretend to love someone when you don't, and it's harder to pretend to not love someone when you do.

I've been sad... I've been finding other things in life to keep me happy, but overall I am sad. I don't know what to do.

30, A Turning Point

I am coming to a big milestone in my life...turning 30! How time has flown by. I want to rewind back the time to when I was a kid again. At home with my family and playing with my brothers, with no care in the world.

Time to face reality and my ever changing life. It is a turning point, where I hope to find greater happiness. I know things will need to fall apart first, before they come together again.

I feel pressured with the ticking of the clock to get my life together quickly. I want to find someone I can be happy with, and have a family. I don't want to rush anything, but I do wonder how quickly I can find someone, get to know them, develop a serious relationship, get married, and get pregnant again.

Another part of me feels like I don't deserve any of it. At 30, I wanted to have a happy family with kids, and a career. Yet, here I am breaking up a family and chances of having more kids. Maybe I am not grateful enough for what I have, and this is the best it will get.

Unhappy birthday to me...