Goodbye

I close my eyes, so I don't see you leave.

 I bite my tongue, so I won't tell you to stay.

 I clasp my hands, so I can't reach for you.

 I stand here, so you can find me.

I wait, so you can return.

I breathe, so life will go on...


"As You Turn Away" - Lady Antebellum
The perfect song to accompany this blog.

The Hardest Thing...Pretending

"We both know that I shouldn't be here
This is wrong
And, baby, it's killing me, it's killing you
Both of us tryin' to be strong
I've got somewhere else to be
Promises to keep
And someone else who loves me
And trusts me fast asleep
I've made up my mind
There is no turning back
She's been good to me
And she deserves better than that

Chorus :
It's the hardest thing I'll ever have to do
To look you in the eye and tell you I don't love you
It's the hardest thing I'll ever have to lie
To show no emotion when you start to cry
I can't let you see what you mean to me
When my hands are tied and my heart's not free
We're not meant to be
It's the hardest thing I'll ever have to do
To turn around and walk away
Pretending I don't love you

I know that we'll meet again
Fate has a place and time
So you can get on with your life
I've got to be cruel to be kind
Like Dr. Zhivago
All my love I'll be sending
And you will never know
'Cause there can be no happy ending

Chorus

Maybe another time, another day
As much as I want to, I can't stay
I've made up my mind
There is no turning back
She's been good to me
And she deserves better than that"

-98 Degrees (The Hardest Thing)


I shouldn't say more than this...

My Highs and Lows

Lately, I've been on a rollercoaster of emotions. I have been on a high for the past couple of days. Today, I am dropping down to another low. It's frustrating that I can't keep myself from falling.

Happiness is not constant. It will fluctuate like everything else in life, but happiness should never drop below a certain point. I've been below that point, and I have a hard time finding things to lift me back up. I know I am in control of my happiness...

An important part of being happy is being honest to others and myself.

Honestly, I am not as happy as I should be. Am I not grateful or appreciative enough of what I have? I don't know...

Hopefully, I will figure it all out soon. Until then, I am a sad panda...

:-(

Reflection

"...There's a heart that must be
Free to fly
That burns with a need to know
The reason why
Why must we all conceal
What we think, how we feel?
Must there be a secret me
I'm forced to hide?
I won't pretend that I'm
Someone else for all time
When will my reflection show
Who I am inside..."
- Christina Aquilera (Mulan "Reflection")

You can't go wrong with a Disney movie.

I remember the first time I saw this movie and heard this song...I cried.
It touched me...because it was exactly how I was feeling at that time.

Well I'm back to being that girl...
Pretending, hiding, and not knowing...

I Won't Give Up

"...I don't wanna be someone who walks away so easily
I'm here to stay and make the difference that I can make
Our differences they do a lot to teach us how to use the tools and gifts we got
Yeah we got a lot at stake
And in the end, you're still my friend
At least we did intend for us to work, we didn't break, we didn't burn
We had to learn, how to bend without the world caving in
I had to learn what I got, and what I'm not
And who i am
I won't give up on us
Even if the skies get rough
I'm giving you all my love
I'm still looking up..."
-Jason Mraz (I Won't Give Up)

I haven't given up yet. I'm still hanging on, and hoping things will work out for the better.
I want to trust, fall, and love all over again.
It takes mutual efforts, so I hope my efforts are not in vain.

Raindrops

Oh how I miss the rain right now.

When it's raining, I can stand outside and no one can tell if they're rain drops or tears rolling down my cheeks.

I can cry and pretend the Earth is feeling all my emotions, and the sky is crying with me. I don't feel so alone.

I need you.
I wish you were here.
I miss you, rain.

Frustration

I am so frustrated...with my thoughts, my feeling, and the things I do. Basically, I'm frustrated with myself.

What is the purpose of all of this?
What am I suppose to learn?

When I look back at this moment, will I see a girl who is wiser or just foolish?