Biting My Tongue

I realized I've been opening my mouth too much and sharing more of myself than I should. It puts me into undesirable situations sometimes, which occurred in this case.

I tend to reciprocate the openness of the other person. The more they share, the more I feel comfortable in sharing as well. In this current situation, I've decided it would be best to "bite my tongue". I have to censor the things I say from now on, including my blogs to some extent.

I catch myself often, and I'm learning to replace it with a nod and smile. I will have to find another outlet for those thoughts. Perhaps a more private journal or share them with Secret Bear. :-)




Not a bad sacrifice to keep things at "peace."

Only In Dreams

"...Only in dreams
We see what it means.
Reach out our hands.
Hold onto hers.
But when we wake
It's all been erased.
And so it seems
Only in dreams..."
-Weezer

I should be sleeping...

But I am sad...

Signs

Most of the time people go with their natural instincts when acting. What happens when someone intentionally ignores it in order to do what they want?

I have learned to interpret some of my signs to exactly what they mean. For example, what does it mean when I get fluttering butterflies in my stomach with certain thoughts? I shall remain vague on the details so try to follow along. After a couple of incidences, I hypothesize the meaning of those butterflies. It had occurred many times after and my hypothesis continues to hold true.

I know the meaning of those butterflies...

Now some of you might try to guess what the meaning may be, but it's not what you would normally expect.

Knowing what I know, I am trying to ignore it. There is nothing I can do to change its meaning. I have tried, and the end results are the same. As optimistic as I can be, I can only live in those moments of flutters.

*heavy sighs...*

Where is the Love?

People are innately self centered and selfish. We are born with only one perspective and care only about our own needs. After a few years of life, we learn to care about others, empathize, and think from perspectives other than our own. We become less self centered and selfish to an extent, and some more than others.

I believe I have matured a lot in those aspects. After having JC, my life revolves around him most of the time. I love and care about my families and friends. I try to stay in touch with them and find out what's happening in their lives as often as possible. I would miss them if I don't.

Then there are some who do not feel the same way. They don't care to keep in touch or they are too busy with their own lives to care. That saddens me. They go M.I.A. and leave me wondering, worrying and missing them. Apparently, they do not care about me either.

To those who are self centered and selfish, I can only wish you the best wherever you are. I will be here if you need me and care for me as well.

Spread the L O V E

Good-bye, You.

To keep my personal matters more discreet, I shall use an analogy to express my current feelings and concerns.

I love Girls Scout cookies thin mints! *drools* After the first bite, I cannot resist. I will reach for another one after another one. I can't just have one. You are addictive like you are laced with crack. You make me happy with every crunch. As delicious as you are, I know you can't be good for me especially in large quantities. I want to stop eating you, but at the same time I don't want to stop. Ooooooh the dilemma!

Maybe I can continue eating you without the health risks or feeling guilty if I work out. What if I don't work out enough to make up for the amount I eat? Maybe I can control myself and eat you in moderation? Although, I doubt I can. What happens when I run out and you're not there? I would have terrible withdrawals! What shall I do?

The best solution I can think of is to avoid you completely.

I will miss you and long for you dearly, but I cannot let myself fall into this self-destructive addiction

Good-bye, you.

A Memory...

I watched "The Vow" with the hottie Channing Tatum and the lovely Rachel McAdams. I liked it because it was a cute, cheesy, love story and the ending wasn't what I expected. Plus, I'm one of those girls who dreams of being in love like in the movies and fairy tales. Anyways....don't know why, but Channing always remind me of a past. As I drove home tonight, I had a sense of nostalgia as I remembered this...

A Memory...at least of how I remembered it.

I arrived at an unfamiliar apartment complex late in the evening. I was sure I came to the correct place because I saw his silhouette standing there, lit up by the lamps around the complex. I walked towards him. I could see he had his hands in his pockets, but I couldn't see his face yet. I assume he was smiling because he was smiling once I came close enough to see him. He looked different than what I imagined him to be, but in a good way. I don't remember how we greeted each other for the first time. Maybe just a "hi" or a hug?

He led me to his apartment, where he was in the midst of cooking us dinner. We made small talks as I looked around the living room and kitchen, and I watched him cooked. I'm a pretty good cook now, but back then I was clueless around the kitchen. I remember eating around the coffee table in the living room rather than at the little dining table, but then again I could be wrong. I don't even remember what he served me that night, but the cornbread was delicious! I think this was the night I discovered my love for cornbread. I also remember having a big glass of red wine, and sampling a couple of cheeses. This was also the night I learned that I am not fond of blue cheese. blah!

We chit chatted the whole evening. I remember asking him about a book he was reading, and he shared about how he likes to write. We talked, laughed, and talked some more into the night. The whole time I was feeling a little uncomfortable...It was by the way he looked at me and smiled. I could see the smile just by looking into his eyes. I glanced away often, so I wouldn't make things awkward. I think he continued to give me that look and smile as I looked away. Well the evening came to an end, and he walked me to my car. I don't remember how we said our farewells either. Maybe a hug or simply a "goodnight"?

As I drove back to my place on the dimly lit roads, I thought about the lovely evening I had...and that I hope I find my way home. I did...