Sweet X's

I am sad that something so wrong can feel so right.

It has been over two years since I have felt such sweet kisses. 

I restrain myself often because I know I could lose myself in the moment. 

Is it a moment of lust? A moment of love? A moment that will soon pass? 

My heart and brain is still battling it out. I don't know who to believe yet. 

Just Smile

When you have to get through the day without breaking down, you just have to smile. I know I hide behind my smiles often, no matter what I'm going through. I do have my moments of weakness where everything pours out from my eyes, but I do that alone.

I am touched and overwhelmed with emotions when I see those who are going through tougher times smile. They smile because they are blessed for that moment they have. They smile regardless of their troubles. They smile because there is more to life to live for. They smile because they have hope. They smile because it is one of the few things in life they can control.

I cried when I saw my mom smiling in a photo. I can't imagine what she is going through, physically and mentally. In those couple of seconds, she smiled through it all. You can never tell what someone is enduring in their life when they smile.

For you, I will pray. For you, I will smile.

I Need to Stop

All this feeling of love seems kind of ridiculous.
I want to hug, hug, hug, kiss, kiss, kiss, love, love, and love.
It's silly, and I don't want to feel silly.
I want to stop, and be more reserved about expressing my feelings.
The less he knows about my feelings, maybe the less he will love me too. Although it's not my goal, I know it would be for the best.

Emotional Wreck

The deeper the feelings, the greater the emotional challenges...

What feeling do I want to feel at this moment? Pick from the list below and think of a reason.

Sad
Guilty
Selfish
Happy
Angry
Frustrated
Excited
Lonesome
Heartbroken
Overwhelmed
Worried
Hopeful
Loved
...etc.

If I'm lucky, I will feel one thing at a time. Lately, I've been feeling many emotions all at once. Mostly negative ones too. *sighs*

Letters to Brain & Heart

Dear Heart,

I am concern about your reckless actions. I can't trust you. Are you certain of your feelings? I don't know if I can trust how you feel anymore. Whatever you think you are feeling is jeopardizing all of us. Would you be able to sacrifice yourself? I need you to break...

Sincerely,
Brain

Dear Brain,

I love...and I acted on love. I can't stop these feelings. I don't want to risk hurting anyone, so I will try to end it. It will be difficult. For us, I will endure the break and the gruesome pain associated with every piece. I hope you lead us to happiness, one day.

Love,
Heart

Only Because I Love You

You only love me because I love you.

Would you love me if I didn't love you?

Would you care for me if I didn't care for you?

Would you be there for me if I wasn't there for you?

If I didn't, I don't think you would have.

You only love because I love you. 

I am Emo

I am drawn back to blogging and writing in my private journal whenever I am emotional.

All I want to do is vent about my life, and I realized I can't bother people with it. If only I could afford to pay someone to sit and listen to it all, I would. No one really wants to hear every little issue I have, because they may have greater issues of their own or they have better things to do.

You would think in marriage you would always have a confidant, but that is not always the case. I don't trust him enough. I am not comfortable to do so. I doubt he even cares to listen. Sometimes he's the problem, and even then he doesn't care to talk about it. He already thinks I complain too much already. More reason to not "complain" about my life to him.

I sound like a drama queen in my blogs, but I'm really not. I keep a lot of things to myself, and pretend to people that my life is dandy, which isn't always a good thing to do either. Would you rather I pretend everything is okay or complain about every issue I have?

Once I get out of this emo state I will be back to thinking more positively about life. Until then I will "whine"...