1. What hurts the most is wanting more than what I can ever have.
2. I care more than you do.
3. It's a hard realization that things can never be what I want it to be.
4. I can't say out loud who is my "fav person".
5. I feel alone.
6. When I feel down, stressed, overwhelmed, or emotional, I have to keep it to myself.
7. I don't want to hear "I love you" at all if you love someone else, more or less. I guess it does bother me.
8. I feel like I am settling or hoping it will work out.
9. Hate my hormones!
10. I have to pretend I am swell when I'm really not.
Maybe I just need to cry it all out.
Sunday, August 25, 2013
Thursday, August 1, 2013
Made Up
I rather fight with you than not have you in my life.
Our little fights are pointless, silly, or misunderstood. I'm glad we make up after because I love him too much to stay upset. Maybe he does care after all...
I feel happier knowing we're still "friends". It's also a great feeling to be in love with someone...with him.
Wednesday, July 31, 2013
"Who cares?"
Tuesday early morning around 5am, I was disrespected once again by his inconsiderate and insensitive big mouth. I can take a joke but if I'm not in the mood and I tell you repeatedly to stop, you should stop. Instead, you offended me again. Then to make matters worse, when you knew I was upset by all the name calling, you continue to joke about it because you did not care I was upset by it.
Every tear I cried because of you, a bit of my heart breaks and I love you a little less. I couldn't stand it anymore. I stared at the "unfriend" button on facebook and thought about how I might regret it later. I recalled the incident... He doesn't care about my feelings, so why I should I stick around and allow myself to get hurt by this type of "friend". I clicked "unfriend" and his profile picture and name disappeared from my list of friends.
Deep down I still love him and I miss him dearly. Then I realize the person I am missing doesn't give a rat's ass about me. Would he even realize his mistake? Would he even attempt to apologize? Would he change his ways? Would he fuckin' care?
I know I was the one who unfriended him on facebook, and told him to never talk to me again. If you love someone, and you know it's your damn fault, then you would try to make it right. I have hopes that he truly loves me like he said, but I might disappoint myself with such high expectations.
He does not fuckin' care!
I need to learn to not care either.
Every tear I cried because of you, a bit of my heart breaks and I love you a little less. I couldn't stand it anymore. I stared at the "unfriend" button on facebook and thought about how I might regret it later. I recalled the incident... He doesn't care about my feelings, so why I should I stick around and allow myself to get hurt by this type of "friend". I clicked "unfriend" and his profile picture and name disappeared from my list of friends.
Deep down I still love him and I miss him dearly. Then I realize the person I am missing doesn't give a rat's ass about me. Would he even realize his mistake? Would he even attempt to apologize? Would he change his ways? Would he fuckin' care?
I know I was the one who unfriended him on facebook, and told him to never talk to me again. If you love someone, and you know it's your damn fault, then you would try to make it right. I have hopes that he truly loves me like he said, but I might disappoint myself with such high expectations.
He does not fuckin' care!
I need to learn to not care either.
Saturday, July 27, 2013
Never Ready But Bring It On!
Five years ago, if you asked me if I'm ready to have kids, I will tell you "heck no!"
During the 9 months I was pregnant, I had to prepare myself. I had to face motherhood no matter what. I had to endure the late nights, breastfeeding, spit ups, poops, crying, lack of sleep, and everything in between. No one can really get ready for that kind of stuff.
Through it all, I don't regret my decision. The cute smiles, contagious laughter, big hugs, sweet kisses, and silliness made every moment worth it!
Today, if you ask me if I'm ready to have more kids, I will tell you, "No, I'm not ready to double my workload." Nevertheless, I love kids and I do want more. Somehow through sweat and tears, they will make my life more fulfilled.
Bring it on!
During the 9 months I was pregnant, I had to prepare myself. I had to face motherhood no matter what. I had to endure the late nights, breastfeeding, spit ups, poops, crying, lack of sleep, and everything in between. No one can really get ready for that kind of stuff.
Through it all, I don't regret my decision. The cute smiles, contagious laughter, big hugs, sweet kisses, and silliness made every moment worth it!
Today, if you ask me if I'm ready to have more kids, I will tell you, "No, I'm not ready to double my workload." Nevertheless, I love kids and I do want more. Somehow through sweat and tears, they will make my life more fulfilled.
Bring it on!
Wednesday, July 24, 2013
Enough is Enough
One of those moments where I feel like I've just had enough.
Have I not been caring and accepting enough? Am I not nice enough? Did I not show you how I feel?
I do not need anyone judging me and the people I choose in my life. I do not need anyone to be negative and hurtful towards me. I do not need anyone who doesn't respect, care and love me. I don't need any of it.
You have the option to leave, and so do I.
Enough is enough.
Have I not been caring and accepting enough? Am I not nice enough? Did I not show you how I feel?
I do not need anyone judging me and the people I choose in my life. I do not need anyone to be negative and hurtful towards me. I do not need anyone who doesn't respect, care and love me. I don't need any of it.
You have the option to leave, and so do I.
Enough is enough.
Sunday, July 14, 2013
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