Admit It

If I stopped feeling...
If I stopped caring...
If I stopped talking...
If I stopped being there...
It wouldn't make much of a difference to you,
As my heart is in pieces.
Your life will go on,
As mine is left with an empty space.

"This is what makes us girls
We all look for heaven and we put our love first
Somethin' that we'd die for, it's our curse
Don't cry about it, don't cry about it
This is what makes us girls
We don't stick together 'cause we put our love first
Don't cry about him, don't cry about him
It's all gonna happen" - Lana Del Rey
(This Is What Makes Us Girls)

I Wanna Be Happy

I am trying to do what I can to make myself happy. I've been doing a lot of selfish things where I am hurting or have the potential of hurting others in the process. When I stop to analyze my life, I would hate myself. I don't know what to do. I know I need to make some changes to be happier in the long run.

I need help...

Throw Rocks at You

Top 10 Issues

1. What hurts the most is wanting more than what I can ever have.

2. I care more than you do. 

3. It's a hard realization that things can never be what I want it to be.

4. I can't say out loud who is my "fav person".

5. I feel alone.

6. When I feel down, stressed, overwhelmed, or emotional, I have to keep it to myself.

7. I don't want to hear "I love you" at all if you love someone else, more or less. I guess it does bother me.

8. I feel like I am settling or hoping it will work out.

9. Hate my hormones!

10. I have to pretend I am swell when I'm really not.

Maybe I just need to cry it all out.

True Love

I dedicate this song to him. The song says it all!

Made Up

I rather fight with you than not have you in my life.

Our little fights are pointless, silly, or misunderstood. I'm glad we make up after because I love him too much to stay upset. Maybe he does care after all...

I feel happier knowing we're still "friends". It's also a great feeling to be in love with someone...with him.

"Who cares?"

Tuesday early morning around 5am, I was disrespected once again by his inconsiderate and insensitive big mouth. I can take a joke but if I'm not in the mood and I tell you repeatedly to stop, you should stop. Instead, you offended me again. Then to make matters worse, when you knew I was upset by all the name calling, you continue to joke about it because you did not care I was upset by it.

Every tear I cried because of you, a bit of my heart breaks and I love you a little less. I couldn't stand it anymore. I stared at the "unfriend" button on facebook and thought about how I might regret it later. I recalled the incident... He doesn't care about my feelings, so why I should I stick around and allow myself to get hurt by this type of "friend". I clicked "unfriend" and his profile picture and name disappeared from my list of friends.

Deep down I still love him and I miss him dearly. Then I realize the person I am missing doesn't give a rat's ass about me. Would he even realize his mistake? Would he even attempt to apologize? Would he change his ways? Would he fuckin' care?

I know I was the one who unfriended him on facebook, and told him to never talk to me again. If you love someone, and you know it's your damn fault, then you would try to make it right. I have hopes that he truly loves me like he said, but I might disappoint myself with such high expectations.

He does not fuckin' care!
I need to learn to not care either.