Moving on...once again!

Oh, how many have come and gone...
Actually, I've been the one who has been leaving them.

There's always something with each relationship that makes it unsuccessful. It's usually the chemistry, attraction, and compatibility. I move on from one guy to the next.

I am in the midst of moving on again from a guy whom I am totally in like with. We dated for a week, and when I found out he doesn't want anymore kids, I had to break it off. A month later, he found me and we started talking again, supposedly as friends. Well one thing led to another, and we were seeing each other again. I kept reminding myself I need to end it. I can't repeat this similar situation again. It has been difficult to let go...

We have such great chemistry together. I miss the way he cuddles with me, and how he holds me. I miss the random kisses on my head, shoulders, and lips. I miss talking to him. I miss him, period.

At the moment, I can't give up the plan of having another kid. I have hope of finding love and having another kid. I really need to move on from this one, so I am ready for the right one to come along.

I've done this so many times, I can do it again now! I...must...not...contact...him....

Another Came and Gone

Last Friday I said good bye to another guy after dating him for about 2 months. Communication wasn't the way I want it to be and I needed it to be better than what I had before. I rather leave it than work on changing it. It doesn't mean I am going to run from every prob I have with a guy though. 

I miss talking and hanging out with him. Maybe I just miss the idea of spending time with someone I like. 

I miss his dog too. She was sweet. 

I am ready to move on again. There are days where I feel like it's hopeless but I need to be more patient. 

Fingers crossed. 

Direction

I am heading in the right direction.

Another week and a half, and I will be moving.
I am letting him go and getting over him.
I am breaking my ties...

I'm figuring out my new life. It seems like there's a lot I need to do, but I am getting it done.

I am proud of myself for having the courage to do this.
I am doing it for myself, and indirectly it will be good for everyone else. 

I am already looking forward to my new positive direction in life.

The Giving Tree

If all you wanted was love
Why would you use me up
Cut me down, build a boat, and sail away
When all I wanted to be was your giving tree
Settle down, build a home, and make you happy?

Losing Love

I wish we had a fight. I wish I was angry at you. I wish I hate you, so that losing you wouldn't be so hard. In my past long term relationships, they were always bad falling outs. It made moving on easier. Now I know how it feels to simply lose love...just like that.

Am I suppose to let all of these feelings go? How? 

*sighs*

Time to Toughen Up

I know what I need to do, and I am going to do it.

Life has a way of working things out. Yes, my pregnancy wasn't planned, but I gave birth to the love of my life. I had to postpone completing my education, but I finished it eventually and I started my career. My marriage failed, but I found love again. Although this love has been complicated, I don't know what will happen to it yet. Life never goes as planned or on my schedule. As long as I have my goals in mind, I will achieve them sooner or later.

I want to be married to someone I love and who loves me in return. I want to have at least one more child. I want to own a home and raise my family. I want to continue to be passionate about my job. I want to remain close to all sides of my family. I want my happily ever after.

I know what I need to do to get there.

In Pieces

I want to smash my heart into little pieces as my life breaks into pieces. Maybe then, it would stop hurting. I don't want to feel anymore.

It's hard to pretend to love someone when you don't, and it's harder to pretend to not love someone when you do.

I've been sad... I've been finding other things in life to keep me happy, but overall I am sad. I don't know what to do.